Jolly Ranchers

I quit smoking almost 2 1/2 years ago.

This has not been without its sporadic and infrequent relapse(s), but I went from being a pack-a-day smoker to being a non-smoker overnight.

It was right around the time I decided to get really involved with my church, that I quit. I was under the assumption that Jesus wouldn't bless me if I was a smoker. This is incorrect, but what IS correct is that smoking is gross and it got me some dirty looks... ESPECIALLY with the church crowd.

I did not quit cold turkey, however. I had help.



Nicorette.

Well, it wasn't real, brand name Nicorette. I started on "nicotine polarex gum" that my father ordered from Canada when he quit smoking. I moved from the Canadian Nicorette to the Walgreens Nicorette, which loses its flavor in about 20 seconds.

I did the nicotine gum system, just like the little pamphlet in the box told me to. But at the end of the 3 month treatment, I was still chewing the gum constantly; at least 4 pieces a day.

I have chewed the nicotine gum since I quit. And have found it VERY difficult to quit the freaking gum!

Ironic, no? The weapon I used to stop smoking turned on me and is now a thorn in my side.

But I have a new weapon, sharper than a lightsaber and cunning as a snake.

Jolly Ranchers.

Oh, how I love them!

Seriously, even if you're having the crappiest, piss poor day ever, open up that familiar little wrapper and pop the candy in your mouth...

REDEMPTION!
CLIMAX!
HOPE!
LOVE!
CONFIDENCE!

It is absolutely incredible how effective these little sugary pills can be.

My favorite flavor is grape. It literally explodes with the flavor of ripe concord grapes fresh off the vine.

My least favorite flavor, however, is blue raspberry.

And it's not that I dislike the flavor per se, but I have an issue with the concept of this particular Jolly Rancher.

There is no such thing as a blue raspberry

 

I feel as if I am drowning in a pool of deception by indulging this flavor.

Thus, I will avoid the blue raspberry ranchers at all cost. We keep a bowl of Jolly Ranchers in our family room and towards the end of a batch, there ends up being only blue raspberry.

Does anybody know of anywhere that I can donate the blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers to starving children in Kenya?

Whenever I get the craving for a piece of nicotine gum, I pop in a Jolly Rancher instead. This has been serving me well thus far, and I am down to chewing only one piece of nicotine gum per day.

In fact, it has gotten to the point that I barely have the typical "nic fits" anymore! This may not sound exciting to you, but it is very exciting for me.

I am hoping that, with the help of God, Moo, and my little explosions of fruity goodness, that I can kick nicotine once and for all!

GO HABERLEIN !!!









On a completely unrelated note, if I was a Power Ranger, my dinosaur would be the Pteranodon.