Christian Slater's Impact

So, my wife and I had some people over Sunday night and we all watched the rousing epic, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

This is not to be confused with the thoroughly unfunny Mel Brooks trash, Robin Hood: Men In Tights.

Seriously, if you have not seen the latter, go treat yourself to a comedy in which you will only laugh once or twice and will ponder whether or not the script only had one draft.

Anyhoo, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is an absolute classic, and boasts the spectacular talents of Alan Rickman, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Costner, (yes, there was a time, long ago, when Kevin Costner was relevant). The cast also has an unexpected young thespian practicing the art of acting in all of it's glory and beauty:

Christian Slater.

Before you can catch your breath at the mere mention of this angelic name, allow me to recommend that you read the rest of this blog out loud, and when you come to his name, whisper it, following with a "whooshing" sound; like a crisp autumn wind.

Let's practice.

Christian Slater (whooooooooooo).

Did you just get goose bumps up and down the most sensual areas of your body? I certainly did!

Christian Slater (whooooooooooo) shows up about 1/4 of the way into the film, sporting an incredibly melodic English accent that seems to slowly disappear as the movie goes on. He plays Will Scarlet, one of Robin's merry men who has a checkered past that aligns him with the film's protagonist.

The second he appeared on screen, My friends Ronzi, Brennen, and myself all let out gasps of gleeful girlish delight in seeing this hunk in his prime. My wife did not share our sentiments, but she apparently doesn't get the all-encompassing glory inherent in the vision that is: Christian Slater (whooooooooooo).

As we began to realize the organically epic qualities Christian Slater (whooooooooooo) was now lending to the film, we discussed the artistic ramifications of placing someone who is such a master at the craft of acting on the same screen with mere mortals like Freeman and Costner.

It was at this time, that my friend Joya, who is seven years younger than me, uttered a question that will haunt me for the rest of my days on this planet:

"Who is Christian Slater?"

I'm going to pause and let that sink in for a moment.

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Really? Who is Christian Slater? Only the greatest actor to have ever graced us with his presence here on this fallen world!

Only the lone purveyor of all that is good, just, and proper!

Only the symbol of hope this nation needs so desperately, at such a time as this!

Christian Slater is man. And man is Christian Slater. Don't ask me to explain this, because I can't. But if you, the reader, are indeed as intelligent as any viewer of my blog should be, then you should completely understand the awesomeness that is, Christian Slater (whoooooooosh).

In retrospect, I cannot blame Joya for not knowing who our hero is. She grew up in an age just after Kuffs, Heathers, and Star Trek VI.

Wait, Star Trek VI?

Yes. Slater is so humble that he accepted a part in this film as an ensign, whose only scene was knocking on Captain Sulu's door to inform him that the Enterprise was on it's way to Khitomer to disrupt the peace negotiations. Slater stole this scene in its entirety, and certainly should have been nominated for 2 Academy Awards for Best Supporting Actor and Least Pretentious Member of the Cast.

After all of my friends had left, and my wife and I went to bed, I lay pondering the consequences of a life without Slater. How did Joya turn out so cool? Is my whole world and life outlook flawed? Is there something out there better than Christian Slater?

No...No there isn't. And I will have to accept that those without the knowledge of Slater, are those who will live without the benefits of knowing he's out there; fighting for us by appearing in quickly canceled TV shows and doing movies that are so bad, he makes them that much better.